I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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