I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
