If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
As shirtless as possible
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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