Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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