I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
