i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
