i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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