Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
