Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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