It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
