YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thank you for not boning my boss.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize