I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
