You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
