i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
