you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
