he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
