she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
