3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
