In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
