Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
