PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize