So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
