I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
