I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize