first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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