I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
