Just fell off a train. Bad.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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