This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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