how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize