Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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