if i died would you start the facebook group?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
