I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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