Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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