i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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