I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
