is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
