Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
