Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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