Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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