if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
