Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
