Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
