His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
