I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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