Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
