I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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