Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
