come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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