Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize