just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
