just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
