i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
A+ Viking dick
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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