Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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