lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
