Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
