you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
