i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think your dad took our porno
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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