Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
