escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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