You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
