Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
