who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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