i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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