I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
