false alarm. still invincible.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
